Last Dance of the Heart by Samantha Rowley

Author:Samantha Rowley [Rowley, Samantha]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi
Published: 2014-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

ELLIE

CHAPTER 12

The look of devastation on Jennifer’s face as I told her would stay with me forever. I knew I’d never be able to erase that look from my mind whether I lived a year, ten years or twenty years from now.

She stared at me with utter disbelief as I imagined her entire brain going into overdrive, not wanting to believe the words that I had said, yet at the same time trying to make sense of them.

We hugged and although she tried her hardest to stay strong and not cry, she finally couldn’t manage it and broke down. We held each other as we both sobbed until there were no tears left.

We talked and reasoned that the tumours could well be benign and that I probably had years ahead of me, which could be true, but somehow I had a feeling that this time things may not turn out how Jennifer or I wanted them to.

We were both exhausted by the time Jennifer told me she had better go and pick up Morgan. We hugged before she walked out of the door and I held on just that little bit longer for comfort.

Once she’d left, the flat seemed eerily quiet and I switched on the stereo for some background noise. I couldn’t handle the silence right now. Then I went through to the kitchen and gulped down two painkillers with fresh orange juice from the fridge.

I left the kitchen and headed to the bathroom, where I stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself. A grim face stared back. I looked exhausted and the tiredness and crying I had done had made my eyes puffy. I actually looked like someone had given me a slug in each one.

I turned away and went back into the living room, where I laid down and waited for Jennifer to bring Morgan home. I knew I should try and think positively, but having the doctor tell me that I had brain tumours had taken away all my positive thinking and replaced it with pessimism. The one emotion I used to moan at Jennifer for having too much of and now I had enough for both of us.

I couldn’t help thinking that Morgan may not have a mother for much longer or that Jennifer may not have a lover for much longer. I wondered what it would feel like to die.

Oh stop it, I told myself firmly. There is no use in dwelling on this and getting depressed.

I tried tuning in on the music playing, but it was no use. My attention span wasn’t up to it and it was much easier to simply stare up at the ceiling.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I did because I jumped and woke up when I heard the key in the lock. Blinking furiously I forced myself to waken properly and swung my legs round so I could sit upright. Morgan came bounding into the room, spotted me and ran towards me.

“Mummy”, he cried and practically threw himself into my open arms.

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